Resentment is a cup of poison we pour for our enemy and drink ourself.
So last night I was listening to Bad, Bad, Parents from The Recovery Podcast (love it!) and I realized that I have alot of issues with my parents. Well, let me take that back, I always knew that I had issues with my parents, but I didn't really realize how deep they really were until the last couple of months, especially after listening to that podcast. I also have alot of resentment towards my parents. So I decided that I should do a posting about it.
As of today, I haven't talked to my parents (my mother and step-father) the last couple of months due to me relapsing and getting in trouble again. I haven't talked to my "real" father (the sperm donor) in probably 5. Now, I could go on and on about this particular topic, but I will try to keep it as short as possible.
I come from a very well off family. My parents traveled alot when I was younger so I was usually shipped off to my grandma's house (which I didn't mind as I got older, because she trusted me and pretty much let me do what I want) or my best friends house. Now don't get me wrong, I had it pretty good as a kid. Never wanted for anything, I had the biggest house of all my friends, my parents drove Lexus', Jaguars...you get the idea, but they were never there. When they weren't out of town, my mom was at school finishing up her PhD. and my step-father did even more traveling on business. But then when we all were home at the same time, it was unknown what kind of mood my step-father was in, and in turn was a reflection of the mood my mother was in~there was always so much tension on that house. Well, now they are even more successful and unfortunately I think the fact that they have an alcoholic and addict for a daughter almost embarrasses them. My mother didn't even tell my uncles for God's sake. I mean, when you're hiding it from family, there is a problem.
As far as my real father, he is an alcoholic also. He was my drinking and pot-smoking buddy for a while. Complete opposite of the life with my mom & step-father. My father has burned every bridge there is with my brother & sister & myself. The last time I actually saw my father was 8 years ago, it was the day I brought my twin daughters home from the hospital (after being in intensive care for a week), he walked in asked to borrow $100, I gave it to him, he walked out and I never saw him again. Didn't even go into the other room to see his new granddaughters. Supposedly he is clean and sober now, has been for about 5 years and lives down in Florida. He must not be to step 9 yet, because I sure as hell haven't heard from him.
The funny thing is, I talk to my (ex) step-mother more than any of them! And my dad & her divorced 16 years ago!! She has never been critical or judgemental of me, no matter how bad if f'cked up, and she has always supported my sobriety.
Like I said, I could go on and on when it comes to parents and resentments, but I said I would keep it short.
If you haven't listened to it yet, here is the link to Bad, Bad, Parents. This podcast is the best one I have found so far. Bruce Wayne is kinda the Howard Stern of Recovery podcasting, at least I think.
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