Now, before you read this, you may want to read my Safe Meetings blog from September 3rd to make sure you are up to speed on the crazy bulls--t that's going on in the small town meetings that I go to.
On my way to take the girls to school this morning, a friend of mine called me to tell me that she had made the decision that she needed to stop drinking and needed help. Now, this was a major, major move for her, and never have I heard her speak a word about getting help for her drinking in the past. Over the last few months, she has lost 2 friends that refuse to talk to her because of her drinking, has had an intervention organized for her and has been threatened to have her son taken from her, however she never saw that she had a problem until this morning.
After I dropped the kids off, I went over to talk to her and she said she was ready. She said she was ready to do whatever it took to stop drinking(key words). We have a mutual friend, we will call him Joey. Well, Joey has 14 months clean and seems to think that he wrote the Big Book and has worked a perfect program. But actually, Joey has not worked any of the steps yet. (Other than maybe the first 3). Joey is an angry dry f'ckin drunk is what he is. He is no better off emotionally or spiritually than he was when he was drinking a year ago. This is the same cat (or one of them) that my Safe Meetings blog was based off of. Apparently Joey advised my friend to stay away from me because I couldn't stay clean.
WTF??? Are you kidding me?
I relapsed, I know that, I own it and I moved passed it. Who the f'ck is he to tell one of my best friends to stay away from me when I am trying to help her in that fist step of starting a new life? This is one of the issues that I have with this small town bullshit and trying to stay in the program. Gossip in small towns is bad enough, then you get a bunch of drunks and addicts that have nothing better to do and it just becomes a big mess. Now I am pretty sure the last time I checked there wasn't any pictures in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous of anyone that has worked a perfect program, and I sure as hell didn't see a picture of him in there anywhere.
I confronted him on it this afternoon (which I know now I shouldn't have done) and he literally started screaming and attacking me (like I said ~angry f'ckin DRY DRUNK!!) that I'm not working the program because I haven't been coming to meetings. You don't know that I haven't been going to meetings. I just stopped going to the same ones you go to. I quit going to them because of YOU!!! That is when he proceeded to tell me "I could care less if he ever saw your face at another AA or NA meeting again, D". (his exact words!)
Whoa! Okay, now wait a minute. I don't know what Big Book your reading, but in the one I'm reading, that is something one addict should never say to another.
He then kept screaming at me and I just hung up. He maybe able to get away with that shit with other people, but I'll tell you what...I'm sure as hell not going to sit there and listen to it.
He has ran off 4 people with his harsh, "tough love", tactics not to mention all of his gossiping. I now drive on average 30 minutes to a meeting when I have one literally across the street from my house,and I do this because I don't want to run into this guy and all of his drama. I have a few friends that are doing the same.
I talked to another addict yesterday who just relapsed after 9 months and he is ashamed to go back into the rooms because Joey spread the word about his relapse. That's bullshit! This guy is has been a very close friend of mine for many, many years. I want to see him get back on that horse. I hate that he felt ashamed to walk back into a meeting after his relapse. Everyone of those people have been there and done it, but sometimes, unfortunately, some of them forget.
I was listening to Bruce Wayne's podcast the other night, I believe it was Episode 1 (hover over "Episode 1"~the link is there!) but I'm not for sure, where he made reference to the 13th step (boy, don't get him started on that lol), and basically people in the program were making it their business to get into this man's sexual affairs and long story short~ the guy ended up going out to the parking lot and blowing his head off. Now, to me, this falls along the same lines. You don't want to scare off the newcomer and you don't want to scare off the one that is coming back. It was a sad story and unfortunately things like that happen, because of people making other peoples business theirs. You work your program, I'll work mine.
As I said, its just not Joey, there are more of them out here and it is just really getting old. When you get to the point that people are avoiding certain meetings or just avoiding meetings period then there is a problem, a BIG problem.
I'm done, I just had to share that. It has been eating at me all afternoon but I'm letting it go now.
Please pray that both of my friends get the help that they need and soon.
Thanks for letting me share,
D
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