Junkie Journal: September 2nd

This is a post of mine that was on SoberCircle.com from back in July. I hope you enjoy.


Sunday, July 15, 2007
10:03 PM
Beaten
I haven't written or updated this thing in a while. Typical me, always starting something and not finishing it~f'ckn addict! Lol! Anyhow, alot has gone one this week. I have gone from being threatened that the girls were going to be taken away from me and my mother disowning me to things are strarting to look up (as other have told me they would.). I really need to work on that people, places and things, though. I found myself at the pool this past weekend with the same pleople I ran around with. Almost like I'm just setting myself up for failure. But it did make me realize....


I can't be around drunk people. Funny how drunk people piss me off when I'm not drunk myself. And yes, I really did act that same way. Pathetic. But long story short, I did end up going home and watching a movie with the girls.


I did delete about 50 numbers out of my phone this past week. That was HUGE for me. I don't need them anymore. Not one of them called me to see how I was doing all this week. The only time they want something is when I'm holdin' something or they need someone to go have a drink with. I always found an excuse to hold on to those numbers and those people in the past. "Oh, well, someone might need their number one day" , or "Oh, I'll keep it in case they call I will know it is them so I don't answer it"


Buuuuullshiiiiit!



Bullshit,



Bullshit,



Bullshit,


I kept them so when I went back out, I would have someone to party with. That's my sickass thinkin'. I went to a great CA speeker meeting lastnight with some friends in the program. We laughed our asses off! It was like we were at a comedy club or something, and we were sober. I've been noticing the closer I stay to the program, the more fun I am having. Duh! I know. I have had sereral periods of sobriety (haven't we all) and relapses, in and out of AA, NA and every kind of A, but I don't think I entirely "got it" until now. Hopefully I'll get it right THIS time.

"We reached a point where we could no longer continue using because of physical, mental, and spiritual pain. When we were beaten, we became willing." (pg. 20, Narcotics Anonymous.)

Current Mood:
Hopeful