Junkie Journal: September 14th

Right now I am having alot of issues with my family that have been affecting my sleep. When I relapsed and was arrested in July for public intoxication two of the most important people in my life gave up on me and stopped talking to me. My mother and my 15 year old daughter. Most importantly my daughter. She lives with her dad now and has not returned my voicemails, emails or IM's for over two months. (To be honest, I think my mom had a hand in her silencing me) I don't blame her for being royally pissed off at me. She thought I was "out of the woods" so-to-speak and then I let her down by relapsing. The night I was arrested, she was at home babysitting her 8 year old twin sisters when the police came knocking on the door at 1am. Luckly she did not answer the door and she called my ex-husband (her stepfather) telling him something was wrong. He came and got the girls, thank God, because the police could have very easily have taken them and the situation I am in could have been alot worse that it is. My ex-husband took her to her dads the next day and I haven't talked to her since. That absoulutly kills me inside, but hopefully with time she will learn to forgive me.

Since this episode, I have not been able to sleep and when I do my nights are filled with nightmares where I am running from people that are trying to kill me and/or other dreams about my parents~particularly my mother. Right now I am only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep at night. I've talked to my counselor about it several times over the past couple of months and he suggested several all natural solutions, but none have worked for me. Monday when I went to see him, not only did he suggest that I stop working on my 4th step and put it on hold, he agreed that I was well past the all natural solutions and suggested a prescribed sleeping pill. However, this scares me. I am afraid I will replace one habit for another. So needless to say, I am still a little up in the air about this one.

Any suggestions or comments on this one are greatly appreciated.

Have a great day!


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